Of rocks and hard places

So we went to my sons cardiologist today and his heart condition had worsened thus prompting the verdict that he needs open heart surgery as soon as possible,He has been put on lasix while he awaits his surgery date.
I could all but gasp as my eyes transfixed on this doctor who asked for my permission to put in a request for surgery,so my choices were have this major surgery on his heart risk losing him,or not have him do this major surgery and still risk losing him.
I feel its quite unfortunate to have to make life altering decisions for the two very important people in my life the first one saw my father pass away ,basically a DNR order,i feel ill to the pit of stomach thinking about it.
Now for the second time in two years i have to make a hard decision i feel it unfair to have this happen to one person.I can only hope i make the right decision for my son.
so about 3 weeks from now he will have the surgery and i will have every bit of will and  sanity tested.I guess this is all part of being a mom.

So is God a sadist

So is God  sadist,is he an almighty kid sitting on an anthill cinging the ants antennas off  (ants by the way are us) is the reason his plans are not known to man because no man known to man is that crazy,is the reason we are told he works in mysterious ways because the whole issue of religion is mystifying a case of confuse and conquer.
My heart has been torn to pieces once and it threatens to be torn again tomorrow.First time is when my father passed away from acute myelomonocytic leukemia despite endless talks i had with his doctors and the expectation of his fast approaching demise nothing prepared my heart for the world of hurt i would face.
An year and four months later i had my beautiful baby boy ,after a pregnancy plagued with illness and procedures,hyperemesis gravidarum,picc lines,bedrest spinal taps, preterm labor that never seemed to cause dilation but enough stress on both mum and baby,scans for clots,asthma,kidney stones,pre eclampsia and through all that it somehow did not seem to bad knowing that i will have a son at the end of it all.
2 hours after he is born doctors tell me we discovered a hole in his heart its sizeable 9mm and he may require surgery down the line..........it never sunk in until i was home from the hospital and i looked at my son and had the sudden fear that he might stop breathing while i slept...so for the first couple of days i did not sleep,i just watched him as he slept.
A couple of days later i was tired enough to pass out while my husband watched him after the mother of all head aches.The fear wore out as time progressed but not completely i still startle myself from sleep and check on his breathing.
Tomorrow is the day,tomorrow is the day they tell me when and if they will do surgery.Last time the doctor found a growth in his heart that partially blocked blood flow and evident stress on his left ventricle showing with increased size in the heart muscle .His lungs were fine but the doctor who was seeing him for the first time needed to see him a second time in order to make a more accurate decision.So its tomorrow and i cant help but feel my antennas being cinged off.

15 week olds and cow milk

So i have had a problem producing milk and my son has been on similac advance since he about 2 weeks.3 weeks ago he reduced his eating and did not want to drink his formula.He would act hungry but cry if he was given formula.His cardiologist had advised us to give him an ounce of water whenever he showed signs of having problems passing stool.So every time i gave him the water he would drink it so fast,but the minute i do a quick switch to formula he would cry.Having a baby with heart problems and potentially needing surgery in the near future weight gain is a real concern,feeding is also a concern because we always have to look out for any stress on his part while feeding.
So this weekend i had my relatives over for a visit.One of my uncles a doctor evaluated him and the contents of the formula and thought it best he be switched to organic cows milk.So we did that while he was still here so that he would notice any potential side effects.By the way if you are thinking he is one of those old time doctors who prescribes to unconventional methods ..he is not.He is a well known doctor,i will however leave out his identity because i have not asked for his permission to include his name on my blog.
Well anyway my son started taking the Natures promise organic milk last night around 12am,mixed with one part water,By morning he was fine happy was not fussy was taking his milk eagerly,so we excluded the water since morning and the difference is like night and day,he has taken about 20 ounces of milk today by eight when he had last week decreased to less than 10ounces a day.He is pooping better than he was,a better consistency and not as much straining.. he is so energetic and for the first time in months did not cry up a storm today.He cries alot,everyday like clock work from 2pm to 6pm he will cry his little heart out.His doctor said he had colic so i should try gripe water and mylicon or little tummies gas drops,unfortunately he would throw up every time i gave it to him i tried giving it to him slower a tiny drop every five minute but 15 or so minutes after the last drop he would throw up everything.
So as the very caring mother to this little boy i chose to take my uncles advice natures promise organic milk and formula only 2 times a week just for the vitamins and such.
Before anyone decided to try this out though i advice you think it through and talk to a doctor you trust.I know most doctors will tell you the over sung tune formula or breast milk until six months of age,I agree that breast milk is best and i still continue with the domepridone and pumping whatever i get i give to him but until i have breast milk he is on cow milk.Its a mothers intuition here over formula marketing.